6 Reasons You’re Still Single (& WHAT TO DO)

Here are the six reasons why you might still be single, if you’re looking for love. I know I’ve made all of these mistakes in the past and it held me back for YEARS.

1. You’re treating it like a hobby, not a job

How much time are you spending online per day looking for someone to share your life with? A couple of minutes? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? I want you to dedicate 30 minutes per day to online dating for one week and see what happens.

And yes, you will probably have to go on 2, 3, 4, even 5 dates per week for a few months. Sound like a lot, then you need to hear my next point.

2. You’re making excuses

Oh you haven’t got enough time in the day?

Yeah right.

We are talking about meeting the love of your life, potentially someone who will make you unbelievable happy for 50, 60, 70 years to come.

You’re telling me that’s not worth 30 minutes but you have time to sit in front of a box set for 2 hours a night?

Ask yourself how much you really want to meet someone, and arrange your time accordingly.

3. You’re not meeting enough people

How many new people have you met this week? Answer me honestly now.

Like a lot of people you probably interact with a handful of work colleagues, your family and a small number of friends.

You need to meet more people in the real world.

What hobby do you have you really enjoy? Join a group to do that.

What would you love to learn about? Go to evening lectures, talks and classes to learn it.

How many of the people in your sports team do you have a meaningful conversation with? Because make a connection with them and they’ll probably be able to introduce you to their social circle which magnifies your options.

If you live in a big city and haven’t been invited to at least one party, drinks, dinner or other social gathering this week, you need to work on growing your social circle.

4. The biggest revelation: You haven’t asked anyone out

Oh, Man, this is the one that hit me hard when I realised it years later. I wondered why I was single throughout university, despite having the opportunity to meet hundreds of women. I never asked a single one of them on a date!

Obvious right, but how many people have you asked on a date this week? If you’ve done all the previous steps you should be interacting with lots of people online and offline. How many have you asked out?

The biggest excuse I hear from women on this topic?

“Oh, well it’s the man’s job to ask ME out. I’m a traditional girl.”

Look, I’m all for that, if that’s is driven by value which you hold near and dear. But ask yourself where that idea came from. Do you believe it because it is what society, your friends, or family told you is right?

Or do you believe it because you’ve through rationally about it and made up your mind.

And even if you do want to wait for a man to ask you out, you can still speed up the process by learning how to telegraph your interest in a guy.

Or use little tactics such as inviting him to a social event with friends, chatting to him over text, and connecting with him. These aren’t dates, but the more chance you give him to ask you out, the more likely he is to.

Some advice for the guys?

Man up, dude.

It’s that simple. Accept you are going to get rejected a bunch of times, and do it anyway. If you went and asked 500 women to go on a date with you, and you have a shred of social intelligent and hygiene, I bet you’d get at LEAST date out of it, probably more.

Go put yourself out there.

5. You’re not giving people a chance

After one date, if there’s no chemistry and you don’t find them physically attractive then don’t bother. This will give you more time to date people you are interested.

But, if you do find them physically attractive (at least not repulsive) but didn’t think there wasn’t a spark, GIVE THEM ONE MORE DATE. Just to check you’re not passing on someone amazing.

Some people will never make good first impression due to nerves, a bad day at work, or any other shit which is going on in their life. If you’re on the fence about someone, give them one more shot.

There’s also a problem of choice known as the paradox of choice. The more choice we have, the less satisfied we are. And with modern dating we have A LOT of choice. It’s CRIPPLING our ability to meet someone.

Stop looking for “The ONE”. Get rid of your checklist. And start to give people more of a chance.

A great question to ask yourself is “Could I spend a week on holiday with this person?” rather than “Can I imagine spending the rest of my life with this person?”.

6. You’re not happy with yourself

Do you know why I didn’t ask anyone out on a date at university? Because I wasn’t comfortable with who I was. I lacked self-esteem and self-confidence, and has held back by all the negative beliefs I had about myself.

I was only able to make progress in my dating life AFTER I had come to terms with that and ACTIVELY worked to improve myself.

The more work I’ve done on myself, the more easily I’ve been able to get dates and get into relationships.

Go to a retreat, go to therapy, watch self-help videos on YouTube. Do whatever it takes to continually improve yourself as a human being. Only when you are happy with yourself will you find that someone who is perfect for you.

Summary

So there it is, 6 reasons why you’re still single. Understand that the very nature of modern dating is set up to make the task of finding someone difficult, and to break through it you need to invest more time, meet more people, and overcome your fear of rejection in order to ask more people out on dates.

Do all those things, don’t forget to work on yourself too, and you’ll meet someone special in no time.

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